Tomorrow I leave for New Zealand.
I have a flight booked for 10:10pm. Right after I get off work, I have to zoom home, pick up my wife and ride to the airport.
It’s kind of hard to describe how it feels, the night before a big trip. I haven’t left the country in over a year and a half (since the last time I went to New Zealand, in fact). On the one hand, if I stay in the U.S. for too long, I get absolutely stir crazy – so for the most part, I couldn’t be more thrilled. And New Zealand is, by far, my favorite place in the world. The people and the scenery in Wellington are fantastic, and I can’t wait to revisit them.
On the other hand, I’m going to miss my family terribly. My son is only nine months old. This will be my first time leaving him for more than a day. Between him, my wife and my daughter, there’s a lot I’m leaving behind. And I guess I’m wondering, “Is it worth it?”
Last time I left, I was going to Wellington to try and get a job on The Hobbit film. There was a sense of purpose, a clear and definite reason for the trip. The idea was to get settled in the country, then bring my wife and daughter down there to live with me. I had every intention of moving to another country. If things had gone well, I’d probably still be down there.
But, as I’ve mentioned before, my mom passed away.
The trip before that was a family vacation to Mexico. No great conflict there – my wife and daughter were with me.
Before that, I worked on a documentary film crew in Haiti, right after their big earthquake in 2010. It was a two week trip (longer than the one I’m about to take) and I guess missing my girls was overshadowed by the fact that I was trying to do something to help an already-impoverished country that had been dealt a devastating blow by nature.
But this trip is little more than a vacation, a lark. Sure, I’ll try to poke my head around and see if there’s still any opportunities in the Wellington industry. But most likely, ten days from now, I’ll be on another plane flight home.
I think the problem is a lack of purpose. I’ve always known I loved traveling. But looking back, I don’t think I’ve ever traveled without a reason, or without my family. So the question is, am I leaving my family for no reason? Is that what’s killing the excitement I was feeling up until today? Or is it just cold feet?
I hope I find out in the next 23 hours.